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This 2017 longitudinal study of adolescent honesty found that warm, trusting child-parent relationships (specifically maternal relationships) were associated with decreased teen lying (and alcohol consumption). Their data highlighted the “advantages of cohesive as opposed to over-restrictive parenting.” In layman’s terms, teens are more honest with their parents when they perceive them as loving and supportive; and more likely to lie when they feel overly controlled and monitored.
One of the best things a parent can do with teenagers is foster an environment of open, nonjudgmental communication. When teens aren’t afraid of being harshly punished, they are more likely to tell the truth. This doesn’t mean “no rules.” It means clear boundaries enforced with reasonable consequences. (A lie about someone’s parents being home gets a weekend of staying in, for example, not a month of being grounded and a Sweet 16 birthday party cancellation).
Kimball Lewis of EmpoweringParents suggests giving separate consequences for the behavior and the lying. “If your child comes home late for curfew and then lies about why they were late, give two separate consequences: one for missing curfew and another for lying about it. That way, the next time your child misses curfew they have the option to be honest and receive one consequence or lie and get two consequences.”
And don’t be afraid to tell your teen about a time you made a mistake, or did something wrong, and how you told the truth to remedy the situation. “I made a mistake on a report today. I was worried about it, but told my boss right away instead of waiting for her to discover it.” Seeing you model proactive honesty will encourage them to do it themselves.
