I’ll let you in on a little inside-Lifehacker secret: We debated whether to have a “Dad Hacks” theme week to coincide with Father’s Day. Ultimately, we all agreed that hacks should not be gendered. What we are comfortable gendering, however, are Dad Jokes.
A Dad Joke (capitalized out of respect) is a very specific genre of jokes. Enough so that Merriam-Webster officially defines it as “a wholesome joke of the type said to be told by fathers with a punchline that is often an obvious or predictable pun or play on words and usually judged to be endearingly corny or unfunny.”
(When does a joke become a Dad Joke? When it becomes apparent.)
In other words, if it’s incredibly cheesy and makes you half-groan, half-smile, it’s a Dad Joke. Sure, anyone can tell a Dad Joke, but the punchlines are most effectively delivered by a middle-aged, semi-dorky father.
(It’s inappropriate to make a “Dad Joke” if you’re not a dad. It’s a faux pa.)
So in honor of Father’s Day, the Offspring Facebook Group helped me curate for you a collection of the very best (worst?) Dad Jokes. Feel free to bust these out during Sunday’s backyard barbecue:
Why are elevator jokes so good? They work on so many levels.Why did the guy get fired from his job at orange juice factory?He couldn’t concentrate.Why do eye doctors live so long? They dilate.Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7, 8, 9.How do you steal someone’s coat? You jacket.What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.Why does a chicken coop have two doors? Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan.What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener.Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.What do you call a group of rabbits walking backwards? A receding hare-line.Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny.Where did the general put his armies? In his sleevies.What did the father buffalo say to the boy buffalo when he went to school? “Bison.”
And finally, here’s an original Dad Joke, one you probably haven’t heard before, courtesy of the husband of one of the parents in our group:
Where are the spiciest peppers commemorated? The hall-of-peño.
(Samantha says her husband was very proud when he came up with that one, and we can certainly see why.)
I know there’s one you love that isn’t on this list, and I know it’s killing you. Go ahead, add it in the comments; there’s no such thing as too many Dad Jokes (yes there is).
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