Introducing the idea of role play in the bedroom could be embarrassing at first. Pretending to be a “naughty” pilot who wants to join the mile high club with a saucy flight attendant? Well, that can sound a little cheesy. But that’s precisely why you might want to try it in the first place—to let go of your inhibitions and lean into something more playful and freeing.
“The appeal of role-playing lies in the opportunity to explore different perspectives, and explore each other’s fantastical kinks,” Melissa Stone, a sex and relationships expert with Joy Love Dolls, tells Lifehacker. “Role playing can be a turn-on for some individuals as it taps into various psychological and emotional aspects that contribute to arousal and excitement.”
Want to learn more on how to introduce role play into the bedroom? Stone provides her expert tips on how to make role play something fun and exciting, and less embarrassing.
What makes role playing such a turn-on?
Everyone pretty much remembers dressing up and playing the game pretend as children, but how does that same concept equal to being aroused?
According to Stone, some key factors are involved, including indulging in our fantasy and imagination world. “Role playing allows individuals to indulge in fantasies and explore their imagination in a safe and consensual environment,” she explains. “It opens up the possibility of being someone else, breaking free from societal norms and engaging in scenarios that might not be feasible in real life.”
Not surprisingly power dynamics, including dominance and submission, is another reason why some find role playing to be titillating. “Role-play presents power dynamics, where participants take on dominant or submissive roles,” Stone says. “This can be appealing to individuals who enjoy exploring different power roles and experiencing heightened sensations.”
Expressing confidence and self-expression is also important to those who like to role play. “Assuming a different role allows individuals to tap into aspects of their personality that they may not express in their everyday lives,” she says. “This can boost confidence and self-esteem, which can be arousing and empowering.”
Plus, it’s also an escape from reality, including the stresses and responsibilities of daily life. Who doesn’t want a break from that?
How to communicate to your partner that you would like to try role playing
So you’re sold on the idea of role play—now how do you get your partner on board? “It’s essential to approach the conversation with openness, honesty, and sensitivity to your partner’s feelings,” Stone says. “Start by choosing a comfortable and private setting where you both can openly communicate.”
She then suggests trying to begin the conversation by expressing your love and appreciation for your partner and the connection you share. “Then, gently bring up the topic of trying something new to enhance your intimacy and explore different aspects of your relationship. Be clear that you value your bond and that you trust your partner enough to share this desire with them.”
It’s also important to explain what role playing means to you, says Stone, and highlight what intrigues you the most, such as fantasy, creativity, or the opportunity to deepen your emotional and physical connection. “You can then encourage an open conversation by asking your partner how they feel about the idea and listen carefully to their thoughts and concerns without judgment,” she advises.
How to decide what to role play
If your partner has consented to role playing, now comes the fun part—deciding on the role-playing scenario that you’ll act out. “Deciding what to role play can be an enjoyable and creative process for you and your partner,” Stone says. “I would suggest starting by discussing what each other’s interests and desires are to see where similarities lie.”
Consider drawing inspiration from movies, TV shows, books, or games you both enjoy, and adapt characters or storylines to fit your preferences. If you’re new to role playing, Stone recommends beginning with familiar settings or light-hearted scenarios to make the experience enjoyable and fun.
Some of the rules and boundaries that need to be established before role playing
After you’ve established what the scenario will be, Stone says you will want to ensure that your role play is “safe, consensual, and an enjoyable experience for all participants. Communication is key during this process, and both partners should openly discuss and agree on a few things.” These points include:
Consent. “Make sure that both partners give consent to engage in role playing and understand that they can withdraw consent at any time during the activity.”Limits and boundaries. “Discuss personal limits and boundaries regarding the type of scenarios, actions, or language involved in the role playing. Set boundaries for what is off-limits or uncomfortable for each person.”Safe words. “Agree on a safe word or phrase that anyone can use to immediately stop role playing if they feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed.”Costumes and props. “If costumes or props are involved, discuss what is acceptable and what might be uncomfortable or triggering for either partner.”Aftercare. “Plan for aftercare, which involves providing comfort and support to each other after the role playing experience to address any emotional or psychological needs that may arise.”And remember: You don’t need an elaborate plot to feel intimate or engaged. It’s normal to feel a bit awkward at first, but embracing spontaneity can make the experience more enjoyable.
“The main tip to remember is to have fun and be playful as this is all about exploring your own desires and each other,” Stone says. “Don’t take it too seriously and allow yourselves to be playful and enjoy the experience.”
