Photo: Dmytro Zinkevych (Shutterstock)
A toxic work environment has a way of eating away at your self-confidence, to the point that even after you manage to escape, the effects can carry with you to the next job. Whether it’s an overly critical boss or a company culture that kept you in constant fear of losing your job, recovering from a toxic work environment isn’t easy.
“The effects tend to show up as hyper vigilance and reactivity,” said Melody Wilding, an executive coach and author of the book Trust Yourself: Stop Overthinking and Start Channeling Your Emotions for Success at Work. This can show up as being afraid to discuss ideas with your new boss; having a hard time trusting your new co-workers; being afraid to speak up in meetings; or feeling the need to overcompensate.
“It sticks around,” Wilding said. “It can be hard to show up fully after that.” Unfortunately, carrying these habits into a new company can have a negative impact on your ability to do your best work. “Many times this can make it hard to have the impact that you were hired to do,” Wilding said. Healing from a toxic work environment takes time, but there are a number of strategies that can help people establish a healthy relationship with their new job.
Try to find closure with your last job
“First and foremost, try to find closure with the past experience,” Wilding said. Given how stressful and soul-destroying a toxic job can be, it can be all too easy to find yourself going over what happened again and again—thinking about the actions you didn’t take, or incidents that you felt you handled badly. Ruminating on the past that way takes away from your ability to move on and can end up hurting you in the long run.
One suggestion Wilding often offers is to write a letter—either a goodbye to your previous workplace, or a letter to your past self. It could be as simple as telling your past self that what was going on at work wasn’t normal or okay, and that it will get better after you escape.
“You are most likely not going to receive an apology from your boss or that coworker that really tortured you, but you can show appreciation for yourself, for how you navigated that experience,” Wilding said. “You can also express compassion for what you have gone through, because you likely didn’t receive that from other people.”
Be mindful of potential triggers
When you’re in a new job, it can take a while to realize that what passed for normal in the previous job isn’t the standard at the new one. Until then, there are going to be certain triggers that are going to remind you of the old job—whether it’s a one-on-one meeting with your boss, socializing events with your co-workers, or giving a presentation to your higher-ups. Whatever it was about the old job that left you nervous and unhappy can have the potential of making you nervous and unhappy at the new one.
To deal with it, Wilding suggests being extra mindful of whatever these potential triggers are and finding a way to build in a little bit of extra time to handle them—whether that’s taking a ten-minute break to relax before a meeting with your new boss, spending some extra time rehearsing a presentation, or finding some informal ways to get to know your new co-workers. “How can you plan for that now, to mitigate any emotional response you might feel?” Wilding said.
Find a way to let go of self-blame
One common theme that Wilding sees with people who have left toxic work environments is the tendency to blame themselves for not being able to survive the situation. “So often I see people who are in toxic work situations beating themselves up, blaming themselves for not being strong enough,” Wilding said. This often includes saying things like Why can’t I hack it here? The big risk with this type of thinking is that “it can keep you in an unhealthy situation longer than you have to be,” Wilding said.
Whatever the particular situation was, the only thing that matters is that it was unhealthy for you. That’s true even if your co-workers were able to find a way to handle the toxicity, or if others have a different opinion on what a toxic environment might look like. “The most self-respecting decision you take is to exit and find a place where you can be appreciated, rather than forcing yourself to tough it out, and prove yourself there,” Wilding said.
