This post is part of our “Big Talks” series—a guide to helping parents navigate the most important conversations they’ll have with their kids. Read more here.
My family doesn’t own any firearms, but I live in Arizona, where I witnessed someone bring a gun into a children’s fun center just because they could. And considering my state’s laws regarding open and concealed carry, as well as its fascination with firing ranges at strip malls, the chances one of my children will play in a home with a weapon inside seems high, if not inevitable.
I know I need to introduce the concept and hazards of firearms to my children, but I’m unsure how to start the conversation. So I spoke to several experts about how to raise awareness about the dangers of guns and what to do if they ever encounter one.
Set boundaries
From James Bond’s Walther PPK, the video game Doom, and the curving bullets in the film Wanted, popular media does romanticize guns and how they’re used. Because children are unaware of the hurt these weapons can actually cause, you might want to set boundaries around what your children watch and the toys they play with.
“We have to have age-appropriate, open conversations with our children about the difference between what happens in a movie, video games, or television versus what happens in real life,” says Dr. Alison Tothy, a pediatric emergency medicine physician at the University of Chicago. “As they get older, you’ll have to frame the conversation differently.”
You have to talk to your kids about guns, even if you don’t have one
You may not have a pool, but you still teach your kids how to swim because there will be a time when they’ll need to know how. According to a 2020 Gallup report, 32% of U.S. adults stated they own a gun, and 42% reported living in a gun household. That is one in three American homes with a gun, so even though you don’t own one, the chance of your child being somewhere with one is high.
According to VeryWell Family, the conversation around firearm safety should start around preschool age to help remove the mystery around them. But even if you impress upon your child the danger of handling a weapon, they are naturally curious, so there’s a good chance of them touching one should the opportunity present itself.
If your child is visiting another home for a playdate, you should ask the other parent if there are guns in their home—and it’s a tricky question because its purpose can be misunderstood.
“The intent of the question is, ‘I want to keep my kids safe,’” Tothy says. “You want your kids to go somewhere else sometimes, but perhaps, if it’s not safe, you can invite their child to your home instead.”
For ways to educate yourself about firearm safety or start the conversation with your kids or other parents, visit The BulletPoints Project and Be Smart.
Teach kids how to be safe around guns
If there’s one thing Tothy wants to impress on the parents of families with guns in their homes regarding gun safety, it is to practice what you preach. This can include going to a shooting range and demonstrating all the ways you’re being safe, explaining why you’re not performing target practice at home, and keeping ammunition locked away separately from firearms.
“I take care of kids all the time who find a gun on the table or under the bed,” and it looks like a toy,” Tothy says. “You want to make sure they know not to touch a gun. If a friend picks up a gun, run away.”
Explain what to do if they find a gun
Dr. Kelsey Gastineau, a pediatric hospital medicine fellow and clinical instructor at Vanderbilt University Medical Center, recently heard a story from one of her colleagues about when they asked their child what they would do if they saw a firearm. The child’s response surprised both Gastineau and her colleague.
“She said, ‘If it was my friend, I would take it away from him immediately because I would never want him to be hurt,” Gastineau says. “And [my colleague] replied, ‘I love that you want to protect your friend, but that is actually not what I want you to do in that situation.’”
Gastineau shared that the colleague told the child if they or a friend encounter a weapon, they should immediately put it down and find an adult. Yet not a week goes by in your news feed where there’s a story about a child injured by a gun despite being told to do the right thing. Gastineau suggests not to overcomplicate your message.
“Keep it simple and straight to the point,” she says. “But as kids grow older, the firearm might belong to the child for hunting purposes. Parents need to explain why they can’t have access to their firearm without an adult present.”
Tothy adds that you can prepare for any situation by having an open conversation with your children in a non-threatening tone that is free of punishment.
“Have them imagine and play with any scenarios,” she says. “It can help the threat feel more realistic.”
