If the past year has you reevaluating how you parent, you’re hardly alone. What seemed to work in pre-pandemic times doesn’t necessarily translate to a time in which you are suddenly home with your children and partner every minute of every day for more than a year. But as we emerge, vaccinated, from the depths of COVID hell, it may be a good time to take stock of how we used to parent before, how we parented during the past year, and how we want to parent going forward.
What are the four main parenting styles?
“Parenting styles” are often broken down into four basic categories: authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and uninvolved. A couple of those have obvious negative connotations without even diving in yet, but let’s talk a bit about each, which are outlined in detail by Verywell Family.
What is authoritarian parenting?
An authoritarian parent lays down the law. The kids are to be seen and not heard. They should do what you tell them to do “because you said so.” They’re not particularly concerned about their child’s opinion or feelings—those are not things an authoritarian parent takes into consideration. These are strict parents who tend to “punish” rather than “discipline.”
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What is authoritative parenting?
Authoritative parents make rules and consistently enforce those rules (and the consequences for breaking them), but they also consider their kids’ feelings. Authoritative parents want to have a positive relationship with their children and tend to focus on reinforcing good behavior to curb the bad behaviors before they even start.
What is permissive parenting?
Permissive parents might make rules, but enforcing them is not a real priority. “Kids will be kids” is the mantra of the permissive parent, who tends to be pretty hands-off and lenient about undesirable behaviors. They’re the parent who acts more like a friend.
What is uninvolved parenting?
The uninvolved parent is exactly what they sound like—these parents don’t really know what their kids are up to. They may be overwhelmed with other issues, or maybe they simply lack the basic knowledge of what kids need, but they’re often neglectful, even if that neglect is unintentional. Uninvolved parents don’t spend much time with their kids, and the kids end up mostly raising themselves.
Post-pandemic parenting
I’d wager a guess that most of us see ourselves reflected in the “authoritative” category (although I know there are a few authoritarians out there, too). But I’ll be the first to admit that the words “because I said so” have come out of my mouth during a particularly frustrating moment or two, and I’ve not always been perfect at enforcing the consequences I say I’m going to enforce.
But I also don’t think we have to identify as one style or another. As long as you’re pretty consistent overall, there might be moments that call for laying down the law, and moments when looking the other way isn’t going to kill anyone. If the past year-plus has taught us anything, it’s that our parenting style can—and should—be fluid. Just because we’ve always parented a certain way doesn’t mean we always have to parent that way. We can learn and adapt as we go.
We have a unique opportunity right now to re-enter our “normal” lives with a perspective we never thought we’d have. It’s possible to see how our priorities may have been mixed up prior to 2020—maybe we weren’t spending enough quality time with our kids or we were too strict on some things and too lenient on others. We might have leaned too “authoritarian” before and then the pandemic turned us into the epitome of the “permissive” parent, or vice-versa.
That’s okay! The type of parent you are is never set in stone. We can hit “reset” as often as we need, using the lessons we’ve learned to better parent our kids—and now is the perfect time to do so.
