These past few months, as we have all navigated a rapidly changing situation, there have been a lot of treasured things, small and large, we have had to give up. Whether it’s canceling events such as birthday parties, proms, weddings, once-in-a-lifetime trips, losing your livelihood or dealing with worries about loved ones, there has been an enormous of stress and worry and anxiety these past few months. There have been innumerable sacrifices, small and large.
Along with all of this comes a sense of grief. As grief expert David Kessler, who co-wrote the book “On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief through the Five Stages of Loss,” said in an interview for the Harvard Business Review, “The loss of normalcy; the fear of economic toll; the loss of connection. This is hitting us and we’re grieving. Collectively. We are not used to this kind of collective grief in the air.”
Grieving the small losses
Even for the smaller things – the canceled prom, the missed good-byes – it’s okay to grieve, says psychologist Robin Gurwitch, Ph.D., a professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Duke University of Medical Center.
G/O Media may get a commission
“We can still grieve our losses and feel compassion and empathy for people who are sick,” Gurwitch says.
Gurwitch points out that, in addition to the primary worries about our loved ones getting sick, we are also worrying about a whole slew of secondary adversities. Some of us have lost our jobs. Some people have lost the small businesses they’ve spent years building up. Others have jobs which put them at risk, whether it’s working in a hospital or a grocery store.
All of us are trying to navigate a new world, one that looks very different from what it looked like just a few months ago. That includes the big changes, as well as the little ones.
“There are so many layers,” Gurwitch says.
What are the things you can still treasure?
In all of this turmoil, it is okay to grieve the smaller things and it is okay to find joy in the small moments.
As an example, Gurwitch, who started her career as a psychologist in Oklahoma City right at the time of the bombing, points to parents who felt it was inappropriate to throw a party for their child, given everything that had happened.
But, as she points out, a birthday party might mean the world to a small child, even in the backdrop of unimaginable loss. The same goes for the small joys happening right now, in the middle of a pandemic.
“In the worst of times, are there things you can still treasure?” Gurwitch says.
If you are struggling, reach out for help
Gurwitch is careful to note that, contrary to popular belief, what doesn’t kill us isn’t guaranteed to make us stronger. For people who were struggling before all of this happened, the stress of the situation is likely to compound any pre-existing issues. This is especially true for young children. If you are struggling, if you are feeling overwhelmed by what is going on, it is especially important to reach out for help.
“No one should have to do this alone,” Gurwitch says.
Some of the organizations that have compiled resources include the National Child Traumatic Stress Network, the Center for the Study of Traumatic Stress, as well as a disaster distress hotline operated by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, which can reached by calling 1-800-985-5990 or texting TalkWithUs to 66746 to connect with a trained crisis counselor.
