Do you wrap up every day looking at all the things you didn’t get done, and wondering how you will shoehorn them into tomorrow’s list? Your kid might be experiencing the same overwhelm if their slate of activities doesn’t match their personal energy profile. A culture of achievement and never-ending to-do lists leads to overscheduling, even for very young kids.
“With this as our norm, many kids end up with days filled with transactional experiences and too little time and energy for rest, reflection, and open-ended (non-goal-oriented) exploration,” writes academic advisor and career development expert Ana Homayoun in her new book Erasing the Finish Line: The New Blueprint for Success Beyond Grades and College Admission.
A person’s energy profile is their unique recipe of activities that give them energy, activities that drain their energy, and ways they can recharge their energy regularly.
Figure out your child’s energy profile
To get a picture of your child’s energy profile (or your own), consider these three factors:
Which activities, experiences, and daily happenings are energizingWhich activities, experiences, and daily happenings are drainingWays to best recharge our energy on a daily or weekly basis, and the best ways to do so after a particularly trying experienceThink back to when your kid was a baby or toddler. You probably had a good sense of how their energy would wax and wane through the day. You easily adjusted their daily schedule based on when they needed food, rest, and activity. Surprise! Teens need the same attention to managing their energy—it’s just harder for parents to recognize their cues as they become more independent.
How overscheduling negatively impacts kids
Having too much on their plate can drain a kid’s energy, put them in a bad mood, and impact their ability to handle disappointment. In other words, Overscheduling may turn your kid into a tired, dysregulated grump.
“For many students this lack of energy, whether to pursue other interests or just to be, can lower self-esteem—after all, there’s the constant nagging feeling of never doing enough and always needing to be and do more,” Homayoun writes.
Overscheduling can also lead to sleep loss.
“A 2018 study examined physical activity, sleep, and screen-time data for 4,520 children across the United States, finding that nearly a third didn’t meet any of the recommendations for exercise, sleep duration, or screen-time limits,” Homayoun said.
Why do parents feel pressure to overschedule?
As your child got older, did you start signing them up for classes and activities just because it seemed normal? Homayoun says our culture of achievement-based perfectionism can make overscheduling feel nonnegotiable, like it’s just a fact of life.
“Social media barrages us with idyllic pictures of ‘perfect lives’—deludes us into thinking that perfection is our North Star,” she said. “We’re in constant pursuit of ‘becoming good enough.’”
Endless to-do lists are causing everyone stress, burnout, fear, overwhelm, and shame. People are experiencing anxiety and depression at increasingly younger ages, Homayoun said.
Tips for tuning in to your kid’s energy profile
Any busy person—adult or child—might cope with overscheduling by focusing on time management, but Homayoun suggests focusing on energy management instead.
Pay attention to how your child’s energy profile may change over time. Remember, so much is changing for kids, from bodies to activities to responsibilities. Accept that their interest in and ability to socialize may go through phases.Understand that there is no one “right” amount for kids to socialize and engage in activities.Be aware of your own insecurities and needs that you may be projecting onto your child. Allow for different family members to have different energy profiles, not placing the same pressure on everyone to do all the activities. “There is nothing ‘wrong’ with an introverted child who doesn’t socialize in a way more suited to their extroverted siblings or parents,” Homayoun said.Connect with other parents and families who are trying to counter the toxic culture of perfectionism and doing more.Check out Thomas Boyce’s The Orchid and the Dandelion to learn more about your child’s unique energy profile.
