If you’re looking to deepen your bond with your partner, you might want to focus on building recreational intimacy. Like love languages, there are a number of different forms of intimacy to help strengthen your relationship. According to Laurel House, one of eHarmony’s relationship experts, recreational intimacy is a form of shared experiences, which, according to eHarmony, can be considered a love language.
“Intimacy and love aren’t always what one might expect,” House says. “While touch and words are commonly considered the strongest expressions of intimacy and love, shared experiences and activities can actually carry more enduring connective weight.”
What’s great about recreational intimacy, House says, is that the activities don’t have to be expensive or elaborate. No matter what you do, you will learn about each other.
“The most connective experiences are completely personalized to the individuals and couple and can range from a run on the beach to bungee jumping, farmers’ market shopping and making dinner to playing board games in bed,” she says. “What’s important is leaning into the activity with an open mind and heart and staying present in the moment with your partner.”
Below are some experiences that you can try with your partner to help build recreational intimacy.
Share your most comforting activity
What are your go-to activities that you do when you need to personally regroup? Do you take a drive, relax in a jacuzzi, get a massage, take a walk on the beach, meditate, do yoga? Whatever you do alone that gives you pleasure and realigns you, House suggests doing that with your partner. Doing so will help you associate peace and calm with one another, and you can share with your partner just what you need to recharge and regroup.
“Comforting refueling is frequently an activity that individuals feel the need to do alone,” House says. “But sometimes your partner has similar needs and the same style of relaxing. It can be very connective to do it together. And even if it’s not relaxing or even comforting to do together, the good thing about experiencing it together, once, is that you have an understanding of what their alone time looks like.” Which can only deepen your relationship.
Be a tourist in your city
Regardless of where you live and how long you’ve lived there, there are interesting activities that you might only do when guests are in town. House suggests that instead, you enjoy the best, most interesting, iconic, totally touristy activities with your partner.
“It’s essential to explore in a relationship,” House says. “Explore in all areas. And sometimes you will see that exploring something new is actually right in front of you. Sometimes you simply need to change your perspective and allow yourself to have a new appreciation for the world around you. Doing this perspective-shifting together will allow you to see that there is so much more that you can experience and enjoy.”
Not sure what to do or where to go? Pick up a local guidebook or, even better, search for “best places to kiss” or “best romantic places” and make a point to do those. You might even want to make a checklist and create a goal of going to “x number” of landmarks and attractions by year’s end.
Try some friendly competition
“Friendly competition creates heart-racing, mind-engaging, strategizing fun,” House says. “Competition activates what generally is considered the ‘love’ hormone, which helps individuals to connect. More than the sexual connection, oxytocin can be emotionally nourishing. Competitive activities, especially competitive physical activities and sports, create the feeling of chemistry, thanks to the release of sweat-induced endorphins.”
So challenge each other to a fast-paced game of ping pong, shuffleboard, tennis, darts, or pool. If you’re not into physically active competition, how about a fun mental challenge?
“Engaging your brain activates strategy, races the heart, and acutely turns on all the senses,” she says. “More than the mental stimulation, seeing your date’s strategies and being exposed to their mind can be a major turn-on as you get to see a focused intellectual side of them that reveals yet another attribute that they can contribute to the relationship—smarts and strategy. And that’s sexy.”
Suggest playing cards or try a stimulating board game like Scrabble or Jenga for focus. “Engaging in mind-stimulating activities opens the mind and makes space for the heart to be unlocked, too,” House says.
