Photo: tommaso79 (Shutterstock)
I recently went down a Reddit rabbit hole in which commenters described the worst gift they’d ever received—everything from miniature butter knives (at age 7) to used magazines to...a thrift store jock strap? It was all pretty terrible, so of course I then asked you about the worst gift you’d ever received and holy hell, there are a lot of thoughtless (and even cruel) gift-givers roaming this Earth.
People, repeat after me: You can “surprise” a small child with a good gift without making them cry first. Do not be like Netrix’s parents:
When I was 6 years old, we all went to the living room and started passing presents out. We usually go around the room until they’re gone. Each time I received mine it was in a different sized box, but contained the same thing: rocks. After all the presents were handed out I had a pile of rocks. Then my parents asked me if I was good this year. I started crying. My parents then brought my to their room and showed me all my real presents on their bed. My big gift ended up being a Sega Genesis. Still not sure how I feel about doing that to a 6 year old.
OK, well, I’ll tell you how I feel about it: Someone who has to break a 6-year-old in that way just to build them back up is on one hell of a power trip. Also, what in the world was to be gained from this choice, made by Anejo’s family:
At 8 years old, for the first time I did my own shopping, buying gifts for my father and his new family (including my younger half-siblings).
A week or so later I received a package from them. I was so excited! I opened it up and found... everything I had sent them, sent back to me.
40+ years later, this still affects me.
Luckily, not all of your terrible gifts were also intentionally mean. Some were just...an interesting choice. Here is a small sampling of my “favorites”:
“A cockatiel, when I was nine. I have no idea how my parents hit on that as a gift, as I’d never once expressed interest in having a bird as a pet. I spent the next couple of years cleaning up bird poop.” ~Rachel Fairbank
“When I was 9 or 10 I got a 6 pack of faux turtlenecks. In case you don’t know that’s a turtleneck shirt with just the turtleneck and a maybe 5-6 inches of cloth under it. For the person who wants to wear a turtleneck under a shirt, but hates wearing two shirts.” ~lostalaska
“One year my husband gave me a dustpan, which I still have. Another year he gave me a toilet seat.” ~Anne RC
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“When I was 11 my parents gave me a box set of Bruce Springsteen’s music despite me never being a fan of his music or ever expressing any interest in him at all. It was then I realized they never really loved me.” ~PrettyGirlMyers
“Will never top this one in my lifetime. A 3-foot-high stack of maxi pads. the kind you get out of a commercial vending machine. I was 12. This was in front of my entire family.” ~ladybaby8080
“For Christmas a few years ago, my grandmother-in-law was kind and gracious enough to gift me an unwrapped DVD of Footloose.” ~Ballysto
“One time my ex girlfriend got me a gun rack. A gun rack. I don’t even own a gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack. What am I gonna do...with a gun rack?” ~plateia lumitar
“1985. My boyfriend at the time and I were pragmatic—he told me what he wanted (a very specific, expensive-for-me pinkie ring) and I told him what I wanted (a record player). He got me a turntable. No speakers. No needle. JUST A TURNTABLE. When I asked him how I was supposed to listen to records without speakers or a FREAKIN’ NEEDLE he answered, ‘Well, those are personal choices that only you can make. And I’m not going to buy them for you.’ So he basically gave me half a Christmas present, and I had to spend about as much on my own gift as I did on his. We broke up shortly thereafter.” ~PhlegmFatale
“I was eleven, and I’d asked for a skateboard like my best friends in the neighborhood had (this was in the mid 60s). Instead, what I got was an aquarium... but just the aquarium. No fish, no plants, not even any gravel - just that empty glass box. Being a well-raised southern girl child, I of course said thank you. But I’m now 67 years old, and it still gripes me but good. My younger sister got the skateboard.” ~nsloop
“My brother once gave his wife a fake lottery ticket that said she won... but if you read the fine print it basically calls you an a-hole for believing you can win the lottery.” ~ChrisLion
“My wife’s grandmother gave her aunt a ‘Recipes for One’ cookbook the year of her divorce. She also gave my MIL dishwashing gloves.” ~Jim Di Liberto
“For a few years there my sister passed along employee giveaways from her Big Pharma company to me as Xmas presents. Promotional sweatshirts, a “How Big Pharma Has Improved the World” type book, and a lucite block with five vials of famous world-changing vaccines (that one was, admittedly, kinda cool, but still).” ~I like Dunks coffee and I cannot lie
“Not me, but my wife and her sister. They had an aunt & uncle who were notoriously bad gift givers. The typical Christmas gift consisted of hair products. One would get a bottle of shampoo, the other would get the matching bottle of conditioner, typically off brand products from a dollar store.” ~Mr. Blandings
“When I was around 9, my mother gave me a self-help book for kids about making and keeping friends, or something along similar lines. I know she meant well, but no kid wants to be reminded about their social struggles on Christmas Day.” ~justfairydust
“An exBF gave me a four slice toaster.” ~BlackandBitterCoffee
“Maybe not the *worst* so much as a bless-her-for-trying was the Crocodile Hunter movie on VHS. Had to have been Xmas ‘02 or ‘03.” ~GpaSags
But because I love a good twist at the end of a story, the winner goes to BIMming It:
“I was 14, and the Nintendo 64 had been out for a little over a year in the states... I was desperate for one. My parents had divorced maybe 18 months before this, so this was my first Christmas at my mom’s new home.
I got a 6 pack of white tube socks, and a 3 pack of boxers. My moms new boyfriend got a Nintendo 64. We opened all of our gifts together before he had to leave to go celebrate Christmas with his WIFE AND NEWBORN CHILD!”
