Photo: Tirachard Kumtanom (Shutterstock)
Last week I asked you to share the last time your rose-colored glasses lost their rosy tint. Because as the early stages of dating turn into the harsh realities of a serious relationship, certain behaviors go from endearing to downright irritating. Innocuous examples include constant humming, clinical-level snoring, or always sneezing one million times in a row. Graver offenses include things like people who can never stop making jokes, even in serious situations.
Here’s what Lifehacker readers reported as the top quirks that you found cute when first falling in love, but slowly turned into sources of tension in the longterm relationship.
“Teasing” that isn’t always teasing
A lot of people conceal passive aggression through “jokes.” Reader bassbeast explains: “At first it seems kind of a fun, playful teasing. But after a while, you begin to doubt the motivation, and it gets hurtful. Signed, someone who is happily married to this person but needed lots of important conversations first.” Speaking as someone who makes a lot of deadpan, potentially hurtful jokes, it’s important to make it super clear that you’re not trying to hurt the other person.
Another commenter ThundercatsRidesAgain shares a similar experience, but with a different ending: “I was never really sure when he was kidding or not, and that was so tiring. When I would think he was serious about something, and instead he was pulling my leg, it felt like he was doing it to keep me off balance. I didn’t like where that dynamic was heading, so after a couple of conversations where he refused to get this, I cut him loose.” It doesn’t have to be full-on “negging” to be a dealbreaker. Sometimes your senses of humor simply don’t match up, and there’s no point in staying with someone who always turns you into the butt of the joke.
When “fun” turns into “reckless”
When you first start dating someone new, it can be thrilling. Maybe they encourage you to come out from under your shell, or they provide an escape from real life by always being “the fun one.” However, what starts out as fun-loving can turn into a problem. Antifaz shares that “an old girlfriend from college I met at a party at first seemed free and awesome and wild and so much fun! Later, the alcoholism and marijuana addiction turned out to be a bit of a problem...” So as exciting as this kind of person can be at first, it’s not always sustainable or healthy in a real relationship.
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Chill out
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Being too laidback
One reader commented that “in the beginning it can be pretty convenient being able to set the schedule yourself and choose where you want to go and what you want to do but after you’re together a while, it becomes very frustrating when they just won’t decide.” A happy-go-lucky disposition is attractive when you first start going on a lot of dates with another person. As you and another person need to actually make decisions together, it becomes obvious when someone is more “chill” than they are “helpful.”
If something is bugging you, talk about it
Getting irritated with your partner is perfectly normal from time to time. However, many readers answered the question “What did you find cute when dating but irritating in a relationship?” with blunt answers like “my wife.” (Cue Borat impression.) If you find yourself constantly annoyed with your significant other and every little thing they do, you might need to zoom out and figure out what’s actually bothering you.
Luckily, the responses highlighted above are highly solvable behaviors. Reflect on the annoying things that you can catch yourself doing now, or at least you can have a productive conversation about with your partner before it’s too late.
