Tired of swiping on dating apps? Well, if you’re anything like me and have a penchant for long reads and Canva, then you might want to try a different approach when it comes to attracting love: the date-me doc.
Think of the date-me doc as a résumé for your love life. You share a Google doc, or—if you’re more fancy—maybe a creatively inspired PDF, with a potential match, describing what you’re looking for, who you are, and anything else you think is important when it comes to finding the right person for you. The idea is that this date-me doc is longer and more detailed than what you’d normally write for a dating profile.
I know what you’re thinking—dating already feels like a second job most of the time, so why would you want to spend creating something that feels like it should belong on LinkedIn? Listen: If you’re serious about having a compatible relationship with someone who’s equally serious about having a compatible relationship, then a dating doc is your best bet to make that happen.
“A person who takes the time to create a dating doc and give you details about their lives is more likely to be serious about dating,” says Gabriela (Gabi) Reyes, LMFT and Chispa’s resident dating expert. “You also get a chance to skip the small talk and know the basics off the bat which can narrow down the amount of people you talk to. It’s less overwhelming than connecting with 20 potential dates when you are on a dating app, and then having to weed them out one by one based on the same old small talk.”
Below, a case for trying the “date-me doc” to find love, or at least a relationship that lasts longer than a swipe.
It shows that you’re serious about finding a relationship
You didn’t write 800 to 1000 (sometimes even 2000!) words for nothing. If you’re spending enough time to craft the best relationship résumé for yourself, explicitly detailing who you are, what you seek in a relationship, and what the other person can expect from you within a relationship, then you know it’s serious. Same goes for the person reading your doc. These aren’t quick bios in 150 characters or less. Date-me docs are a serious investment of time, which means the likelihood of finding someone who will invest in getting to know you and spending time with you is pretty high.
You get to be as picky as you want
“As a therapist, I hear a lot of my patients tell me that they feel they’re ‘too picky.’” Reyes says. “I usually disagree. If you’re looking for something serious, someone to potentially spend your life with, you have to be picky. All that energy, time and effort needs to be spent on someone who gives you what you need and want.”
A date-me doc allows you to be as picky as your heart desires, letting you air out everything you definitely want and definitely don’t want in a partner. Some TikTok users demand to know your status of employment and copies of your state I.D. on their date-me docs. Others have used subcategories to delineate the exact qualities they’re looking for. The sky’s the limit in terms of what you want to ask in your date-me doc, which gives you more opportunity to find someone that meets your criteria.
You get to skip the small talk
Enough with the “I love travel and tacos” that’s found way too often in typical dating profiles—let’s get down to the nitty gritty. Date-me docs are filled with personal details, including everything from anecdotes to listing any criminal offenses to testimonials from past partners, which, suffice to say, really helps people get to know each other on a more intimate basis. It’s an honest approach that sets up transparency from the start, and this way you have a better idea of who this person is before your first date. You can jump into a far more interesting conversation than just talking about tacos when you meet.
You get to create a new way to meet someone
Dating apps can be boring and tiring, especially if they remain the go-to for meeting people. By creating a date-me doc and making it public, you open yourself up to connecting with people from all over the world. You can post the link to your social media pages, or even send the link to friends who can send it to people who they think might be a good fit. It’s vulnerable, yes, but isn’t that the whole point of dating anyway?
“I love any trend that encourages more when it comes to dating,” Reyes says. “More communication, more information, more connection, etc. [Date-me docs] are encouraging people to learn more about each other before diving into something. That can help people build deeper connections. Simplifying dating is wonderful as long as we’re not compromising true and deep connection. I think dating docs are a step in the right direction.”
