You’ve tried online dating, speed dating, and blind dating. If you’re still striking out in the love department, how about trying intuitive dating?
“Intuitive dating means dating with information coming from your intuition or ‘internal barometer,’” relationship coach Carrie Jereslow explains. “This involves checking in with your ‘gut’—what is your gut feeling about a person? What does your gut say to do before or after a date?”
According to Jereslow, intuitive dating differs from conventional dating where external judgements and expectations inform your choices.
“For example, if you had a great date and you want to connect with the person and they seem interested, you may get a strong internal feeling or thought to text them. Intuitive dating would say that if you get that feeling, follow it,” Jereslow says. “Conventional dating would say that you aren’t supposed to text someone too quickly after a date so that you don’t seem ‘too’ interested.”
Essentially, intuitive dating is based on following your bliss, knowing yourself, and trusting your instincts, while conventional dating is based on “shoulds” and “should nots” based on external data picked up from our cultural or societal programming.
Curious about trying out intuitive dating? Read on for Jereslow’s tips on how to listen to your gut to make the most out of your love life.
Why intuitive dating helps with dating burnout
Instead of mindlessly going on an app, scrolling through people, and going on countless dates to hopefully find someone you like, checking in with your intuition will help you become more intentional with your time and who you invest energy into.
“Intuitive dating will help to focus the energy that is set by your clear intention,” Jereslow says. “This automatically slows the nervous system down, quiets the mind and focuses the energy. You don’t have to go on a hundred dates just to see if there is a connection. You let your intuition guide your choices. You will probably go on less dates, but by using your intuition, they most likely will be more meaningful.”
How to know if your intuition is guiding you
With so many thoughts and worries in our head, especially when it comes to dating, it can be difficult to understand the difference between your intuition or your fears.
“Listening to your intuition comes in those quiet moments or milliseconds where you take a breath and listen to a hunch that maybe doesn’t seem to make sense to your logical mind, but where you feel a strong pull to do something,” Jereslow explains. “Intuition is not logical; it is the feeling you have in your gut. Many times, your intuition will go against what your logical mind says to do. The logical mind is our programming—those beliefs we have adopted from our culture, society, or family. Our intuition guides us while our ego keeps us safe from feeling vulnerable. Our ego has rules and lives by those rules. Our intuition is oftentimes a rule breaker, operating by feelings and hunches.”
Before harnessing your intuition in terms of dating, Jereslow recommends first cultivating your intuition within yourself so you know what it feels and sounds like. This can be done by quieting the noise around you or through methods like deep breathing, meditation, or journaling. But it can also be developed in alternative ways, says Jereslow, such as taking a bath or shower, taking a walk in nature, spending time with an animal, listening to music—anything that will give some breath and space to your thoughts.
If you’re struggling between wondering if your intuition is guiding you or not, Jereslow says it’s key to ask yourself, “Am I doing this because I think it’s right or have I been told to do it this way? Or do I feel like I really want to do something, and I can’t quite explain why?” The latter is your intuition speaking to you.
What intuition looks like in your dating life
So now that you know and understand your intuition, Jereslow recommends the following to integrate intuitive dating within your love life.
Get clear on the kind of experience you want to have and the kind of person you want to date. “Write it down. Ask yourself, ‘Is this what I really want or is this what I have been told will make me happy?’”
Practice listening to those inner nudges in every aspect of your life. “If you feel drawn to go to a particular coffee shop, go there. If you feel drawn to listen to a particular podcast, do it. If you follow your hunches and you don’t know why you did, even after doing it, trust that there is some reason you were drawn to do that thing, even if it is just to honor your gut feeling.”
Be intentional about your dating. “Bring a sacredness to it by being thoughtful and intentional. This could look like closing your eyes, taking a deep breath, and connecting with your ideal partner before scrolling through a dating app. Or setting an intention that you only connect with supportive, friendly, caring people before going to a party.”
Continue to do your inner work. “Understanding how your past relationships are influencing your current dating experience is foundational for having better dating experiences. Our subconscious is like a computer’s operating system. If our beliefs are the same, our dating will be the same. If you are meeting the same kinds of people or having the same outcome, ask yourself what within your operating system might be causing it. I always suggest working with a therapist or coach when doing this deep inner work. The subconscious likes the familiar and will do everything in its power to stay the same. Gentle guidance from a coach will help uncover that which is hidden.”
